Friday Fiascos #4: The Things
Friday, October 13, 2006
I have been waiting to put this up for a long long time! Therefore I am happy to present it at long last, even though I know in my heart it’s not all that good.
Some of you may be familiar with the work of gentleman-songster Jonathan Coulton, who recently completed his (first?) Thing-a-Week cycle of 52 original songs, covers, mashups, text-to-speech recordings, and other things.
I have penned a tribute to it, done (mostly) to the tune of Thing number thirty, but the effect is rather spoilt by my inability to sing, alackaday.
Oh, would that someone would record this properly! Oh, if only there were someone with a good singing voice who knows the subject matter and the source tune well and who might be made aware of this Fiasco by an e-mail I have sent!
(Only kidding. Enjoy your tour.)
As is my custom, I’ll dissect (or vivisect) this on Monday, so check back then to see all the awful things I have to say about this. (UPDATE: Here’s the link. If you don’t understand the joke in the last line, click the link.) For the meantime, suffice it to say, yes, it’s artificially sped up.
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Even if you have a sensitive ear and do not want to risk it by listening to me caterwaul, I hope you will click the link and look at the lyrics.
See You All in Hell is short and sinister,
My Monkey‘s chorus is quadruple-voice,
W’s Duty takes hard work to administer,
The Shop Vac solo was selected by listener’s choice,
Baby Got Back got aired on radio stations,
Someone Is Crazy thinks that you’re insane,
Brand New Sucker has bitter vituperations,
Sibling Rivalry pits Joan versus Jane.
The Town Crotch takes us back when times were viceless,
When I’m 25‘s a Chicago-Beatles mash,
The Christmas Song is Podsafe, which is priceless,
Furry Old Lobster‘s dying with no shellfish left to smash,
Drive needs help with grammar and with steering,
Flickr takes a slideshow for its theme,
Resolutions are guidelines for child-rearing,
You Could Be Her‘s a pretzel-maker’s dream.
I Will is a silly Beatle love song,
Soterios Johnson danced with Terry Gross,
In So Far So Good, the guy says so long,
Curl didn’t keep the Canucks down, but third is pretty close,
Chiron Beta Prime is (message redacted),
Take Care of Me, I’m helpless on my own,
A Talk with George relates how Plimpton acted,
Don’t Talk to Strangers, you know you’re not alone.
Stroller Town‘s the place to race your baby,
Re Your Brains has a zombie on the job,
Madelaine gives a clear, committal maybe,
The a capella When You Go is sure to make me sob,
Slashdot raised Code Monkey‘s popularity,
The Presidents has a familiar tune,
Just as Long as Me highlights a height disparity,
He’ll stay Till the Money Comes — let’s hope that’s soon.
Tom Cruise is chock-full of Crazy notions,
Famous Blue Raincoat makes me feel depressed,
Soft Rocked By Me wants to talk about emotions,
This one’s Not About You, so please quit calling me obsessed,
Rock and Roll Boy has grown and now he’s older,
After work, Drinking with You‘d be nice,
The week’s gone by, so what if my Pizza‘s colder?
SkyMall offers knickknacks for a price.
Eggs aren’t all this Seahorse must be bearing,
Creepy Doll will leave you nevermore,
Under the Pines, Spock found Bigfoot uncaring,
The loser in Big Bad World One already knows the score,
Mr. Fancy Pants epitomizes fashion,
You Ruined Everything, but I feel young,
I’m Your Moon has Charon show compassion,
The Big Boom heralds Götterdämmerung.
Make You Cry will spite you when you’re smitten,
Pull the String and out come all the flaws,
Summer’s Over leaves some subtext unwritten,
The We Will Rock You cover garnered showers of applause,
It’s bittersweet that now the year has ended,
But we’ll all have songs and memories to keep,
The time we’ve spent together has been splendid.
Congressman Mark Foley is a creep.
I should be remiss in failing to apologize to Jonathan Coulton, of course, and all the nice folks in the jonathancoulton.com fora responsible for transcribing chords and tabs, from whom I plagiarize shamelessly. Also I should apologize to everyone else whom I wanted to mention (Len, Kerrin of JoCoPro, etc.) whom I cut out in favor of an imbecilic punchline.
Thanks so much for reading or listening.